On the subject of book mutilation…

An open letter:

To the person who tore the fifth-to-last page out of the Grand Rapids Public Library’s copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, thus ruining what would otherwise have been a delightful reading experience,

May evil pixies visit you this night, and scrape the lining from your eyes. May leeches infest your orifices. May tapeworms bloat your intestines. May the Lord of the Flies summon his minions to swarm upon you like a plague of locusts. May crocodiles eat your kin. May your reproductive organs be taken by squirrels. May you be eaten by a whale. And may you forever rue the day you desecrated a book by taking a page from it’s hallowed bindings.

Also, I hate you.



  1. Cameron said,

    August 23, 2007 at 12:11 am

    Wow… virulent, violent, and downright vicious; and utterly appropriate (although I think I’d have started with a “please undo the damage you’ve done or give your library an anonymous donation)

    There is to be no mercy! To the gallows with him!

  2. cassandrajo said,

    August 23, 2007 at 2:34 am

    That person should be stewed in his own juice.

  3. Chase said,

    August 27, 2007 at 12:58 pm

    Sorry DK. The book really was good, all the way though the last page. To bad your experience has hindered in such a way.

  4. Wes said,

    August 28, 2007 at 11:28 am

    Ouchies. That sucks! Have you found a copy with it’s fifth-to-last-page intact yet?

    I did. But I’m not retracting my curse on the sinner who ripped the book. Fie on him!

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